Anybody interested in grabbing a couple of burgers and hittin' the cemetery?

When did life become so f***ing complicated, again?

It saddens me that I am becoming a pro at handling disappointment. I know the stages like an old friend, and worse, how to handle them. They say it gets easier as you get older, but I want to know: who is "they"? I am so tired of the heavy heartedness. The hope that flares only to be snuffed out. I know I sound melodramatic but it's exactly the opposite - I haven't reacted. I haven't gotten upset, I haven't talked about it, I haven't tried to undo anything. I just accepted it, since it has happened more often than not. I almost expect it, honestly.

So here I am, battling my demons in a passive way with a defeatist attitude.

On an opposite note, Happy New Year. Despite this depressing tangent, it holds much promise. I haven't given up hope on this cryptically mysterious subject (sorry for the veiled vagueness, still too fresh to explain) so things may yet turn around.

Until then.

xoxo
Alaine

I'm asking if he thinks we're in for a hard winter.

So. Finals week.

So far, I have had a spastic sleeping schedule, super high highs, some slightly deep lows, moments of triumph, and then dreaded defeat. It's roller coaster folks, and I'm almost done! I am so ready for this semester to be over with, next semester is where it's at. Christmas and home and family... I want to go to there.

I have had several realizations about big issues of my life, I've been listening to copious amounts of Citizen Cope and Iron & Wine, and eating frozen yogurt like it's a major food group. I don't know what is happening, really.

I also don't want to see people who are not my super close friends. And it's weird.

So here is to holding on the end of my pitiful rope, but still being super happy about life.

xoxo,
Alaine

Mmm, I'm a little bit lonely these days

I just realized I am the girl that gets frozen yogurt and watches particularly moving shows and cries at them alone on a Saturday night. And likes it. Good one, stereotypes. You win this round, I'll kick your ass in the 'scared of spiders' category though, bring on the daddy long legs, I wont even blink!

But yes, I am 100% girl in this moment. And I refuse to be ashamed. I am a little ashamed, this is pretty bad.


xoxo
Alaine

I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice.

Today was a brilliantly awesome day!!  Not only did it go well, but I feel great. The stars aligned in just a way to say "You know Alaine, you've been working really hard. So here, take the day off, I got this." Thank you life! I did not squander my day of happy. Here are the reasons WHY I am happy:


1. I GOT NOMINATED FOR AN ADDY AWARD! Which is a BIG DEAL!! It's like the Oscars or Grammy's of the design world AND I GOT NOMINATED AS A SOPHOMORE LEVEL DESIGN STUDENT!! HOLY SURPRISE, BATMAN!

This is what I get to send in!!

2. I have totes made peace with the fact that I am going to die alone, I'm really truly over my whole "I can't seem to meet a guy who isn't either A. already in a relationship or B. doesn't care if I died." So hooray for optimism!... Right? Is it optimism or me admitting defeat and giving up. Then I think "Who cares if I have a guy when I can have 12 cats??"

3. It's almost over! The semester is Al. Most. Ov. Er! And now that there is actually snow on the ground, it feels like Christmas. I'm getting so warm just thinking about being on the ranch, next to our fireplace, with one of my cats, some eggnog, the glow of the tree, dad yelling something inane, mom smiling and ignoring him, me looking at the giant pile of presents that almost definitely put my parents in the poor house, and me not having to give any shits about school, or my shambles of a personal life, or Bozeman at all. I will be free for a month, and I will love every second of it... Until my parents piss me off, then I'll come back.

4. I don't have a problem making friends, but I will never stop appreciating the moment when you literally hear or read the words "We should be friends". ROGER THAT. Especially when we bond over our mutual annoyance of something,  because come on, you know those friendships are really the one's that last the longest. And I am being completely serious about that.

Pretty much the best.

5. My big sister will be coming home in January so I will get to see her soooooon! I have missed her so much lately!! And I will be 21 when I see her, so we can drink without both of us being terrified! I will finally be a lady like her. I love her so durn much. 

6. I will be selling my painting soon and that means $500 big ones in mah pocket. And I have big plans for it! You know what Ima do with it? NOTHING! It is going in the bank for laters (hopefully Ireland or something. I don't know, but I aint spending shit right now. The only exclusion: my very much needed hair cut.) So that's whats up. With that, my desk clerk job back, and summer orientation sessions, I will be set for a while!!

7. I just feel happy. I'm way less stressed, classes are wrapping up, I'll BE wrapping up xmas presents, I'll be home, things are good, friends are good, I'M GOOD. LIFE IS JUST GOOD.

So cheers to me, and to you, and to Wes Anderson, and hot chocolate, and cats, and working laptops, and awards, and getting your light bulbs to work, and everything good in this world!!

xoxo

Alaine

How do you say 'grilled cheese' in french?

So, here is my past week in a nut shell:

-2 job interviews (got 'em both!)

-3 completed drawings

-1 completed book cover for graphic design

-1 power point presentation / honors paper

-1 logo design for a film friend

-DVD cover/ DVD case for a different film friend

-1 emotional melt down

-2 all nighters

-3 critiques

-french menu/skit

-1 choir concert

-1 partridge in a pear tree.

I am exhausted. Over and out.

Ps-I will be 21 in exactly a month!


xoxo
Alaine

That's all I meant by "relationship." You want me to grab a dictionary?

Rather than write out a post, here is a sequence of pictures that really express how I'm feeling about me right now.

\

I think you get the gist of it.

xoxo

Alaine

Stop including me.

Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’  

We are not now that strength which in old days  

Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;  

One equal temper of heroic hearts,  

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will  

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. 

  -  Alfred Lord Tennyson  

xoxo

Alaine