I love you too, but I'm gonna mace you in the face!

Friday. The best day. It's also been a crazy/good/busy/stressful/hectic/rewarding day. I think I like these the most, I feel like a super human or something. "No mere mortal can fit as much crap in a day like I can!"

Phase One: Kicking of Ass

After accidentally falling asleep at 10 last night (about 5 hours earlier than I should have, based on my homework load), I woke up right at 7:00 in an unusual sleeping position (my neck was turned to the left, my torso was flat, but my arms and legs were doing one of everything). The actual crazy thing is, I didn't have my alarm set. Which is terrifying because I can, and have, slept for hours after I should have. So I was amazed with myself for that. Way to go body, you know what's up even when you're sick... I love you.

Why I was slightly peeved that my cat nap turned into actual bed time is because I had a massive amount of french homework AND a chapter test today that I had allotted last night to. Not getting it done last night meant me racing against the clock. Tee minus: 5 hours for homework. This is where me waking up at 7 is an amazing thing. So I get ready to start but since I didn't have dinner last night either, that meant breakfast was a must. I thought "Ok, not too bad, I can definitely get it done in time and get my doctors note for missing class Monday AND eat a well balanced meal." . 

AND THEN THE PLOT THICKENS.

On my walk to the dining hall, I had this thought...

You're right mister, you are so right.

... because I had forgotten that I had scheduled an appointment to renew my drivers license at 9:30 this morning! That meant I would have to leave right in the middle of my work time, work that I had to have done by 11:50. And this wasn't just some zip out and back trip, I had to shower and take time to look at least human since this license will have my picture on it for 8 years. Sick? NO EXCUSE! Luckily, drivers license pictures are notoriously bad so I only went the make up route and then stopped.

I inhaled my breakfast, did the french homework for about an hour, showered and sprinted to my room. I got dressed and started getting ready, jamming to my music and trying to break the sound barrier getting ready. I look to see the end result, just to make sure I look like I'm indeed pre-mortem and I, woah, I look good. Better than most days, even. What wormhole did I step in, did some beautiful person just wake up looking like shit so that I could have a good drivers license picture? But I'm a vain creature, I'll take it!

Phase Two: The Rocking of the Day

I get to my appointment right on time, mentally fist pumping as I walked in the door and being immediately helped. One renewal and pretty decent license picture later, I was on my way back to my homework. I then preceeded to not only finish the workbook, but I had time to study on the side. Victory #738947398 for the day. French test: Results aren't in yet, but I feel like it was one of the better tests of the semester, so until a crushing blow is dealt, I feel good about it. 

Next, choir. With my voice out, I got a pass to sit in the audience which equaled more homework time. Bingo bango bongo, I am on top of it! I refill my prescription, get my doctors note, buy art supplies, and move my car into the Quad parking lot in one fell swoop. I relaxed in my room a bit (and worked on my blog presentation for the honors class this is for) before remembering that Jen said they'd post the Orientation Leader results at 5:00 today. I remembered at 4:30, so I sat with sweaty palms for half an hour and you know what? Sweaty palms are the worst! I loathe them. So right at 5, I walked over to the SUB and checked the list. During the walk over I got that nervous pit in my gut again, but it lasted all of 4 minutes to get there so it could be worse, and that's even with the fact that I took the loooongest route possible. I had mutant butterflies in my stomach, but I approached with what I can only imagine as swift, jerky confidence....

I got it :) 

I need no words to describe how I'm feeling...

SOOOOO THAT FEELS GOOD. One job down, one more to go!*

*The desk clerk application process isn't as scary since I've done it before, so I'm pretty confident that if they need people, I'll get my job back. 

And now, here I am, moments away from getting picked up to go to the new James Bond movie with some friends (prefaced by a dessert at Johnny C's, becauseI already ate dinner AND this is cheaper.) And with the whole two days of weekend to get stuff done, I'm looking at a relatively ok dead/finals week... I can't get a big head though, a lot can happen. But I think as long as I stick to my super strict time management schedule, I will survive intact. 

And that was the very busy, gloriously hectic, crazy good day of Me. 

xoxo

Alaine

"Why do you consider me your enemy?" "Because your girlfriend stabbed me in the back with lefty scissors."

You know that feeling you get, after a particularly bad job interview? When you go in with such high hopes for yourself and then you don't fall flat, but feel like the most bland individual on the face of the earth? Leaving the room, you grab your coat, smile a goodbye, and leave in a calm manor but in your head, you are sprinting at a wall and then head butting it repeatedly shouting "YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF AWKWARD IDIOTS!" . Yup. That was my experience.

Granted, the position I'm applying for is as a Summer Orientation Leader, I thought I could do way better. I know I'm not Ms. College Expert / Super Personable, but man, did I think I fell WAY short for the job of literally leading. The reason I felt this way was because we had to do a stupid group interview with a panel watching! I hate groups, I politely let others talk when I should be goin' after the prize like nobody's business! So, exiting the building, I was going over every fumble, every stupid word I said, every quivery breath I took. Stewing with sweaty palms and making what I can only imagine as burning looks at my computer. I sat for hours feeling like the biggest loser that ever walked those halls.

This was ended because of the amazing support system I have, after being forced to leave my room by two very loving friends (who probably just wanted to make sure I didn't berserk or something), I got frozen yogurt and got distracted. That helped immensely. 

They then went with me to look at the results posted in the SUB. I briskly walked across the road, entered the doorway, approached that sinister looking piece of yellow paper, held my breath and...

MY NAME WAS FIRST ON THE LIST!!

I GOT A SECOND INTERVIEW!!

I MADE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL!!

Then I had that weak in the knees, kinda swimmy headed, light limbed, ecstatic, happy, relieved, wonderful feeling of success!! YUP, IT'S STILL THERE!

Definitely felt like this happy guy.

I know that I can interview one on one. I am a confident enough person to do that, I have been in enough situations where poise and humor come into play. And I know my track record can support me so boom! I feel so much better!! I hadn't realized how much I wanted this job until I thought I had completely lost a chance at getting it. So wish me luck tomorrow or Friday, whenever I interview next! I hope my next post will be along the same victorious line such as this! MUAH!

xoxo

Alaine

If you're not against me, don't cross this line! If yes, do.

Mirror pics.

Admit it, we've all done it...

xoxo,

Alaine

I'll be out back. I'm going to find a tree to chop down.

Maybe it's just because I'm so incredibly sick that any success feels like a Herculean victory, but I felt like I was a champ today. I am not going to let anything slow me down on my home stretch. I refuse to limp across the finish line and be underwhelmed with my grades. So I have an undeserved sense of accomplishment for this fact, but I'll take it where ever I can get it. I also felt validated for being a good student when the girl next to me in my drawing class got chewed out, in front of us and then outside of class, for always talking back and never taking constructive critisism. It's been a peeve of mine aaaaaaall semester and the vindictive part of me was pretty satisfied that she finally got called out on it. He then later complimented me on my drawing (which came as a bit of a surprise since drawing is not my forte) but again, I shall take it!

I have also decided that I am going to marry someone who is from either the British Isles (Ireland, Scotland, Wales, maybe England) OR New Zealand / Australia. Why? Short version: Yanks apparently have other things to do and they don't have accents. Thanks to the newest slew of tv shows I've watched while doing my art homework, I decided that since there are no takers here, I will wait until I'm abroad. It worked for the big sis for a while, didn't it? So yes. Usually I'm not frustrated or lonely, but seriously, who HASN'T ever daydreamed about some exotic romance that ACTUALLY worked?? C'mon, we've all done it. In my case, it's just several hundred times per year. Problem solved!

Oh you, Colin O'Donoghue. Wait, what's that? Marry you? Maaayyyybbbbeee

*face slap* BACK! 

Maybe it's the ex-film major in me (or leaping back to my introvert post about how introverts tend to feel "things" more than others) but I keep finding that I get super into a show. Obsessed has negative connotations so I just say I get "involved" with a tv show. I like to know about the location, the actors, the costume design, behind the scenes, unknown plot points, yada yada. So whenever I find a show, I watch the crap out of it and sadly, my list is rather long. Luckily, my major lends itself for me to be a multitasker: I "watch" the show meaning I listen to it and glance up from time to time and do my art projects. I have no idea how many shows and movies I've consumed... And the best part is, I retain the information and I get A's on all of my assignments because I spend 2 hour blocks of time or more working on it! Anyhoo, I have been getting really into my shows, and that is where my ManLove2.0 rush is coming from. It's rather sad, but as long as I don't start a Tumblr dedicated to them, I think I'm ok. Music too, but I feel like everyone gets into that...

With Christmas break coming up, I have been so focused on getting done with class (and surviving with minimal casualties), I haven't really thought about the actual break and why I love Christmas so much. It hit me when I was writing out my gift list for friends and family: It's Christmas. Fall semester barely started and it's already Christmas. This must be the time warp I was warned about when I was 11 wishing I was older... What the hell happened to my fall? And all the really cool, hip, college things I was going to do? Oye, being older is definitely interesting (Dear 11 year old me, Time does indeed go by faster, but they lied, I wouldn't be you again for all the world, our fashion sense is much better in 2012...) 

Ok, I have other things to do now, like my giant list of homework.... Ok gross EmergenC, down the hatch you go! We must be the champ of homework once again! Tally-ho!

xoxo

Alaine

Oh yeah and with friends like you who needs friends?

Oooooh shooooot. It happened again: I have been re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-inspired to get in shape. What caused it this time? Oh, I can tell you exactly: Whilst I was watching some old episodes of a favorite show, "Nikita". This is a cliche but interesting spy/rogue assassin badass chick show, featuring two young women who are very pretty, very lethal, and very fit. They are also very fashionable, so I decided to take a page out of their play book for a day and try it out.

Ya, see? Super cliche but actually pretty action packed so it all evens out...

So I had everything I needed to duplicate a certain look and outfit, but the effect was not the same (considering she is about of one of me). I am aware I will never actually be nor look healthy at 115 pounds, but I sure know I can be at 125 - 130. I was that in high school, I can do it again. Then I realized also that now would be the BEST time to start working out because I am right on the tipping point of either being in the best shape of my life OR backsliding once again with the holiday season eating.

Obviously, since battling my weight has been a block in my road since middle school, I must have a pretty sh**ty system going on. So I researched some fitness blogs to get some unusual tips, beyond the usual "eat less sugar" and "exercise daily"... You think?? I need some pretty specific exercise and stat or else the food will wreck me. It was actually really helpful. I definitely found more than a few things that I can do to make this time stick.

The biggest problem I have is: don't have a workout routine because I don't have a routine period. I don't eat at the same time every day, classes make it super crazy to have a dedicated work out time, and demands from friends? Forget about it. So what I need to do is to sit down and literally write it in my weekly schedule to make it a priority. I haven't made it work because I haven't even deemed it time worthy. So instead of wimping out and wasting my precious free time, I'm going to consolidate it a little bit more and get the body I have wished for since 8th grade. Even if it's just doing some wall sits and push ups in my down time, I can take a couple minutes for a homework break to do some light work and then get the heavy cardio done at the gym.

I'm so tired of seeing the reflection and not being disgusted, but being underwhelmed. THAT is one of the biggest annoyances of my day to day life. I like my appearance well enough, but the total lack of pizzazz I find in myself is very frustrating. I know I could be really happy with myself, but I'm just not there yet.

So there is the focal point of my thoughts today, just a lot of plotting and getting excited to get back to the gym. And this time, I will make it a massive priority.

xoxo
Alaine

Ps... Again.

I am going to increase my blogging amount (is that the term for blogging quantity?) because it feels like I should have more posts for the amount of time I put into this. But, the key is: I need to vary the length a bit more instead of just writing lists and novels.  So, I will henceforth be adding short posts with (drumroll) pictures!

Some will be cliche and angsty, many will be funny and random, and some may verge on slightly inappropriate but it's mah blog and I like weird things. So, without further ado, here is the first of many pictures I will be adding because I feel like it. I think it'll spruce up the page a bit. Enjoy!

Screaming at/with/by "The Scream" ... I would react the same way if I saw it in person.

He's obviously in rough shape. He's taken off his shoes and one of his socks and... actually, I think he's crying.

Thanksgiving was yesterday and I have to say, I have quite a few things to be thankful for. I have also been thinking over the past few years of my life with many a smile, a few grimaces, a handful of regret, and a pinch of excitement. Life is a funny funny thing. I can never really appreciate the passing of time, because I am either running away from something or sprinting toward something, and I never fully realize that now is the only thing I will ever experience. The past has already happened and the future is blank so why do I never focus on the present? That was a grimace worthy observation for me. So buckle down, it's gonna be a big one, I have quite a bit to say today...

But before I do, I want to thank the powers that be for my family. Words are useless for the love and adoration I have for this wonderful group. I am truly blessed to have this name to call my own, to have this loving place I belong to. My parents are beyond inspirational, the depths of my love for them are fathomless. I also have the two greatest sisters in the history of siblings and I cannot imagine who I would be without their love and guidance. I love you Field/Williams family members, near and far!

Ok. So. Down to blogging business. I realized that I am not happy with myself because I know that I have only been operating at about 65% of my full potential. I don't half ass things, but it's not much more than that. I have been using the "I'm in college and the time for mistakes is NOW" but really, when it comes down to brass tacks, I enjoy being a hard worker, reaching my goals, having a plan, and being successful. And I haven't been giving my teachers the work they deserve, my body the attention it needs, and my friends the time they want. I need to work on a few things before I am fully satisfied.

• Having said that I like to be a stand up lady, this time of year is also the time that I like to be more reckless and more of a bad ass than my usual self. Freshman year, I dyed my hair dark brown with streaks of purple, blue, and green. Last year, I pierced my earS in multiple crazy places. This year: ___?___ . Ooooh boy, I will not get a tattoo, but short of that, anything is game. I am thinking about hair again, since I quickly ran out of places that I actually want to get pierced in real life. Ombre is what I'm looking at right now (where it is dark at the roots and lighter at the tips) because it isn't a huge money slash maintenance commitment, the parents wont freak, and it's "in" right now. Damn you "Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" and "Nikita" for making me want to break out my leather jacket, aviators, and general badassery clothing...

Oddly enough, I have been a little regretful about more than a few things this weekend. Not in a depressingly bad "I'll never recover from this" way, but in a "Well, I wish I knew then what I knew now" way. One situation in particular. This time of year always reminds me of a time in my life where I had something reaaaalllllyyy spectacular, but timing worked against me and I almost lost a great person because of it. Luckily, we're both mature and duct taped our friendship, but man oh man, do I think about it a lot.

• My music has taken a turn for the awesome, I must say. I found it all on my own and can't stop listening to this rotation because it has everything: Epic day dream songs, lonely songs, happy hopeful light indie songs, generic mainstream pump up songs, and good covers. I can feel badass, lonely, AND happy in a matter of minutes of each other and it is a pretty good ride. And the play count is now in the upper 80's from me being obsessed with it right now.

1. Lonely Boy - Black Keys
2. Oh Death - Jen Titus
3. Brutal Hearts - Bedouin Soundclash
4. Sleepwalking - A Fine Frenzy
5. Ungirthed - Purity Ring
6. Some Nights - Fun.
7. Love Love Love - Avalanche City
8. Thieves & Kings - The Peach Kings
9. Radioactive - Imagine Dragons
10. Never Let Me Go - Florence + The Machine
11. Go Your Own Way - Lissie
12. You and I - Avalanche City
13. Lofticries - Purity Ring
14. Home - Phillip Phillips


Being single around the holidays is never super fun for anyone because even if you are totally ok with your single status, there are always moments that make you wish you had someone's hand touching yours. So I can comfortably say that this year will be ok but slightly weird. I have had a someone for the past... wow, more than a few years. But the thing is, they haven't been happy holidays since early high school, and even the majority of those are filled with breakup heartbreak. Really, ever since I discovered boyfriends, the holidays have been a preeeettty big bust. I had a good xmas with "B1" senior year (after the atrocious one with "A" that ended up with me being dumped via text after my xmas eve surgery) but since then, the holidays have been a tad rocky. I hated college freshman xmas because of the whole situation I mentioned a few paragraphs earlier, last year"E" had just told me he was moving away and then immediately distanced himself (and we can't forget the car crash I had when coming back from visiting him. I just realized we technically never broke up since he hasn't talked to me since the very beginning of January... Ha.)

• Soooooo yes, this season kinda really puts me very much on edge. Which is funny to me, since this is the season for love and thankfulness. Now, I am not ungrateful for what I have, quite the opposite. My family makes sure I have a GREAT Christmas and I always laugh and love and smile, but there is that place in your heart that is reserved for someone special. Family fills you up everywhere but that one spot. I love Christmas and what it means. I love buying and making my loved ones presents. I love thinking about God and Jesus and lighing the candles at church. I love the smells and the food and the sweaters. But it is not an exaggeration that I am very very VERY wary of this season. And so every time I wish I had someone's hand to hold, I get terrified because that means that I am willing  to put myself through hell again, but I don't know if I'm strong  enough to. But there is that one guy that makes me feel a lot of feels... And he has absolutely no idea. So that is just awesome. Putting that one on the back burner for now, I don't think that thinking about it now would get me anywhere. 

Ok, I have mentally rapped my knuckles for going down that slightly pessamistic "woe is me" thought path, back to Thanksgiving and being a cheerful person... I have great friends who all contacted me to say something along the lines of "hey, I hope you have a great break." So thank you dear loved ones for reminding me why I am so truly lucky.

• Val O: You are my best friend and I will support you for eternity. Many a girl has said this and failed, but you got me through the worst 7 years of my life and I love you like a sister.

Katie R: Whodda thunk that those two cooky orientation roommates would become the fiercely loyal friends we are? I don't know what I would do without your warmth in my life.

• Lindsey B: Though our friendship is short (ish), it is stronger than Mithril (#boom #LOTR #nerdlove) ermagerd, I can't wait to see what new adventures the metaphorical tomorrow brings!

Jenna E: High school would have been brutal without your laughter and I am so glad that we are still in each other's lives, though a few states are between us!

• Broderyk M: You have been building me up since the day we met, and I can never truly thank you for telling me that I could actually become the person I wanted to be, and you taught me I'm never alone.

Brian H: Thank you for all of your hugs. You really don't know how many times you have saved me from tears at night because you offer, without fail, the best hugs a friend can give every single time I see you.

• Jordan S: Ever since Kindergarten, you have been a pillar in my life. I am so glad that though we drifted apart, life has brought me back my oldest friend. I love you like I would a brother Jo-Jo.

Sophie H: I miss you like crazy lady! But you are right where you need to be (and you still have your Bobcat pride!) I can't wait to see you again! I hope you know I will never stop caring about you, no matter what.

• Brock F: What a talented guy you are, I am so lucky to call you my friend. You are such a kind person and I am so happy to be able to work with you and watch you create such beautiful things.

Sammy "Mama Cakes" K: Dear MRS. Sam, you are such a fiercely loving friend, I am honored to be your "Baby Cakes" and I cannot wait to be reunited again.

• Allana N: Adventure mixed with thoughtfulness, I cherish your friendship more and more each time we are around each other. This next semester (and beyond!) will be preeetttyyyy awesome! 

I have so many more people to thank, but alas, I have already spent too much time on this post as is, so I apologize for forgetting you, but know that you are very much included in this blanket thank you and you are all in my heart (though you may be absent in my absent minded head space right now). Muah!

(... Man, I'm getting pretty bold with this whole blogging thing... See Dr. Wolff?? My hypothesis is (mostly) correct! Social Media Experiment surprise/success number 1! Cheers! )

• One observation is more strange than the rest for obvious reasons: My (Our) dog of 15 years died about a month ago and I miss him very much, but I am glad he is free of suffering. The weird thing is, I keep "seeing him" at night when I walk to my bathroom via the dark living room to get ready for bed. I have done this several nights in a row. He had a very special spot by the couch and in front of our big bay windows, and I think I see him curled up and even lift his head when I walk in. I don't know if my mind is playing tricks on me or if I've seen too many Supernatural episodes. But whatever it is, it's actually quite comforting to think that though he's physically gone, Gus-Gus will never be too far away from his special spot and will always make sure that I get to bed safely. 

__________________________

Ok I feel like I got everything that I needed to out of my system... It's strange how quickly I've come to depend on this to vent/pass on/remember things. I am starting to "note to self for later" throughout my day. I think this is a good thing, I'm forcing myself to remember things about my days that went unnoticed before and I think more critically about what I actually believe. So good night blogging world, and thank you for listening. Until I post again.

xoxo

Alaine