Anybody interested in grabbing a couple of burgers and hittin' the cemetery?

When did life become so f***ing complicated, again?

It saddens me that I am becoming a pro at handling disappointment. I know the stages like an old friend, and worse, how to handle them. They say it gets easier as you get older, but I want to know: who is "they"? I am so tired of the heavy heartedness. The hope that flares only to be snuffed out. I know I sound melodramatic but it's exactly the opposite - I haven't reacted. I haven't gotten upset, I haven't talked about it, I haven't tried to undo anything. I just accepted it, since it has happened more often than not. I almost expect it, honestly.

So here I am, battling my demons in a passive way with a defeatist attitude.

On an opposite note, Happy New Year. Despite this depressing tangent, it holds much promise. I haven't given up hope on this cryptically mysterious subject (sorry for the veiled vagueness, still too fresh to explain) so things may yet turn around.

Until then.

xoxo
Alaine

I'm asking if he thinks we're in for a hard winter.

So. Finals week.

So far, I have had a spastic sleeping schedule, super high highs, some slightly deep lows, moments of triumph, and then dreaded defeat. It's roller coaster folks, and I'm almost done! I am so ready for this semester to be over with, next semester is where it's at. Christmas and home and family... I want to go to there.

I have had several realizations about big issues of my life, I've been listening to copious amounts of Citizen Cope and Iron & Wine, and eating frozen yogurt like it's a major food group. I don't know what is happening, really.

I also don't want to see people who are not my super close friends. And it's weird.

So here is to holding on the end of my pitiful rope, but still being super happy about life.

xoxo,
Alaine

Mmm, I'm a little bit lonely these days

I just realized I am the girl that gets frozen yogurt and watches particularly moving shows and cries at them alone on a Saturday night. And likes it. Good one, stereotypes. You win this round, I'll kick your ass in the 'scared of spiders' category though, bring on the daddy long legs, I wont even blink!

But yes, I am 100% girl in this moment. And I refuse to be ashamed. I am a little ashamed, this is pretty bad.


xoxo
Alaine

I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice.

Today was a brilliantly awesome day!!  Not only did it go well, but I feel great. The stars aligned in just a way to say "You know Alaine, you've been working really hard. So here, take the day off, I got this." Thank you life! I did not squander my day of happy. Here are the reasons WHY I am happy:


1. I GOT NOMINATED FOR AN ADDY AWARD! Which is a BIG DEAL!! It's like the Oscars or Grammy's of the design world AND I GOT NOMINATED AS A SOPHOMORE LEVEL DESIGN STUDENT!! HOLY SURPRISE, BATMAN!

This is what I get to send in!!

2. I have totes made peace with the fact that I am going to die alone, I'm really truly over my whole "I can't seem to meet a guy who isn't either A. already in a relationship or B. doesn't care if I died." So hooray for optimism!... Right? Is it optimism or me admitting defeat and giving up. Then I think "Who cares if I have a guy when I can have 12 cats??"

3. It's almost over! The semester is Al. Most. Ov. Er! And now that there is actually snow on the ground, it feels like Christmas. I'm getting so warm just thinking about being on the ranch, next to our fireplace, with one of my cats, some eggnog, the glow of the tree, dad yelling something inane, mom smiling and ignoring him, me looking at the giant pile of presents that almost definitely put my parents in the poor house, and me not having to give any shits about school, or my shambles of a personal life, or Bozeman at all. I will be free for a month, and I will love every second of it... Until my parents piss me off, then I'll come back.

4. I don't have a problem making friends, but I will never stop appreciating the moment when you literally hear or read the words "We should be friends". ROGER THAT. Especially when we bond over our mutual annoyance of something,  because come on, you know those friendships are really the one's that last the longest. And I am being completely serious about that.

Pretty much the best.

5. My big sister will be coming home in January so I will get to see her soooooon! I have missed her so much lately!! And I will be 21 when I see her, so we can drink without both of us being terrified! I will finally be a lady like her. I love her so durn much. 

6. I will be selling my painting soon and that means $500 big ones in mah pocket. And I have big plans for it! You know what Ima do with it? NOTHING! It is going in the bank for laters (hopefully Ireland or something. I don't know, but I aint spending shit right now. The only exclusion: my very much needed hair cut.) So that's whats up. With that, my desk clerk job back, and summer orientation sessions, I will be set for a while!!

7. I just feel happy. I'm way less stressed, classes are wrapping up, I'll BE wrapping up xmas presents, I'll be home, things are good, friends are good, I'M GOOD. LIFE IS JUST GOOD.

So cheers to me, and to you, and to Wes Anderson, and hot chocolate, and cats, and working laptops, and awards, and getting your light bulbs to work, and everything good in this world!!

xoxo

Alaine

How do you say 'grilled cheese' in french?

So, here is my past week in a nut shell:

-2 job interviews (got 'em both!)

-3 completed drawings

-1 completed book cover for graphic design

-1 power point presentation / honors paper

-1 logo design for a film friend

-DVD cover/ DVD case for a different film friend

-1 emotional melt down

-2 all nighters

-3 critiques

-french menu/skit

-1 choir concert

-1 partridge in a pear tree.

I am exhausted. Over and out.

Ps-I will be 21 in exactly a month!


xoxo
Alaine

That's all I meant by "relationship." You want me to grab a dictionary?

Rather than write out a post, here is a sequence of pictures that really express how I'm feeling about me right now.

\

I think you get the gist of it.

xoxo

Alaine

Stop including me.

Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’  

We are not now that strength which in old days  

Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;  

One equal temper of heroic hearts,  

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will  

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. 

  -  Alfred Lord Tennyson  

xoxo

Alaine

I love you too, but I'm gonna mace you in the face!

Friday. The best day. It's also been a crazy/good/busy/stressful/hectic/rewarding day. I think I like these the most, I feel like a super human or something. "No mere mortal can fit as much crap in a day like I can!"

Phase One: Kicking of Ass

After accidentally falling asleep at 10 last night (about 5 hours earlier than I should have, based on my homework load), I woke up right at 7:00 in an unusual sleeping position (my neck was turned to the left, my torso was flat, but my arms and legs were doing one of everything). The actual crazy thing is, I didn't have my alarm set. Which is terrifying because I can, and have, slept for hours after I should have. So I was amazed with myself for that. Way to go body, you know what's up even when you're sick... I love you.

Why I was slightly peeved that my cat nap turned into actual bed time is because I had a massive amount of french homework AND a chapter test today that I had allotted last night to. Not getting it done last night meant me racing against the clock. Tee minus: 5 hours for homework. This is where me waking up at 7 is an amazing thing. So I get ready to start but since I didn't have dinner last night either, that meant breakfast was a must. I thought "Ok, not too bad, I can definitely get it done in time and get my doctors note for missing class Monday AND eat a well balanced meal." . 

AND THEN THE PLOT THICKENS.

On my walk to the dining hall, I had this thought...

You're right mister, you are so right.

... because I had forgotten that I had scheduled an appointment to renew my drivers license at 9:30 this morning! That meant I would have to leave right in the middle of my work time, work that I had to have done by 11:50. And this wasn't just some zip out and back trip, I had to shower and take time to look at least human since this license will have my picture on it for 8 years. Sick? NO EXCUSE! Luckily, drivers license pictures are notoriously bad so I only went the make up route and then stopped.

I inhaled my breakfast, did the french homework for about an hour, showered and sprinted to my room. I got dressed and started getting ready, jamming to my music and trying to break the sound barrier getting ready. I look to see the end result, just to make sure I look like I'm indeed pre-mortem and I, woah, I look good. Better than most days, even. What wormhole did I step in, did some beautiful person just wake up looking like shit so that I could have a good drivers license picture? But I'm a vain creature, I'll take it!

Phase Two: The Rocking of the Day

I get to my appointment right on time, mentally fist pumping as I walked in the door and being immediately helped. One renewal and pretty decent license picture later, I was on my way back to my homework. I then preceeded to not only finish the workbook, but I had time to study on the side. Victory #738947398 for the day. French test: Results aren't in yet, but I feel like it was one of the better tests of the semester, so until a crushing blow is dealt, I feel good about it. 

Next, choir. With my voice out, I got a pass to sit in the audience which equaled more homework time. Bingo bango bongo, I am on top of it! I refill my prescription, get my doctors note, buy art supplies, and move my car into the Quad parking lot in one fell swoop. I relaxed in my room a bit (and worked on my blog presentation for the honors class this is for) before remembering that Jen said they'd post the Orientation Leader results at 5:00 today. I remembered at 4:30, so I sat with sweaty palms for half an hour and you know what? Sweaty palms are the worst! I loathe them. So right at 5, I walked over to the SUB and checked the list. During the walk over I got that nervous pit in my gut again, but it lasted all of 4 minutes to get there so it could be worse, and that's even with the fact that I took the loooongest route possible. I had mutant butterflies in my stomach, but I approached with what I can only imagine as swift, jerky confidence....

I got it :) 

I need no words to describe how I'm feeling...

SOOOOO THAT FEELS GOOD. One job down, one more to go!*

*The desk clerk application process isn't as scary since I've done it before, so I'm pretty confident that if they need people, I'll get my job back. 

And now, here I am, moments away from getting picked up to go to the new James Bond movie with some friends (prefaced by a dessert at Johnny C's, becauseI already ate dinner AND this is cheaper.) And with the whole two days of weekend to get stuff done, I'm looking at a relatively ok dead/finals week... I can't get a big head though, a lot can happen. But I think as long as I stick to my super strict time management schedule, I will survive intact. 

And that was the very busy, gloriously hectic, crazy good day of Me. 

xoxo

Alaine

"Why do you consider me your enemy?" "Because your girlfriend stabbed me in the back with lefty scissors."

You know that feeling you get, after a particularly bad job interview? When you go in with such high hopes for yourself and then you don't fall flat, but feel like the most bland individual on the face of the earth? Leaving the room, you grab your coat, smile a goodbye, and leave in a calm manor but in your head, you are sprinting at a wall and then head butting it repeatedly shouting "YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF AWKWARD IDIOTS!" . Yup. That was my experience.

Granted, the position I'm applying for is as a Summer Orientation Leader, I thought I could do way better. I know I'm not Ms. College Expert / Super Personable, but man, did I think I fell WAY short for the job of literally leading. The reason I felt this way was because we had to do a stupid group interview with a panel watching! I hate groups, I politely let others talk when I should be goin' after the prize like nobody's business! So, exiting the building, I was going over every fumble, every stupid word I said, every quivery breath I took. Stewing with sweaty palms and making what I can only imagine as burning looks at my computer. I sat for hours feeling like the biggest loser that ever walked those halls.

This was ended because of the amazing support system I have, after being forced to leave my room by two very loving friends (who probably just wanted to make sure I didn't berserk or something), I got frozen yogurt and got distracted. That helped immensely. 

They then went with me to look at the results posted in the SUB. I briskly walked across the road, entered the doorway, approached that sinister looking piece of yellow paper, held my breath and...

MY NAME WAS FIRST ON THE LIST!!

I GOT A SECOND INTERVIEW!!

I MADE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL!!

Then I had that weak in the knees, kinda swimmy headed, light limbed, ecstatic, happy, relieved, wonderful feeling of success!! YUP, IT'S STILL THERE!

Definitely felt like this happy guy.

I know that I can interview one on one. I am a confident enough person to do that, I have been in enough situations where poise and humor come into play. And I know my track record can support me so boom! I feel so much better!! I hadn't realized how much I wanted this job until I thought I had completely lost a chance at getting it. So wish me luck tomorrow or Friday, whenever I interview next! I hope my next post will be along the same victorious line such as this! MUAH!

xoxo

Alaine

If you're not against me, don't cross this line! If yes, do.

Mirror pics.

Admit it, we've all done it...

xoxo,

Alaine

I'll be out back. I'm going to find a tree to chop down.

Maybe it's just because I'm so incredibly sick that any success feels like a Herculean victory, but I felt like I was a champ today. I am not going to let anything slow me down on my home stretch. I refuse to limp across the finish line and be underwhelmed with my grades. So I have an undeserved sense of accomplishment for this fact, but I'll take it where ever I can get it. I also felt validated for being a good student when the girl next to me in my drawing class got chewed out, in front of us and then outside of class, for always talking back and never taking constructive critisism. It's been a peeve of mine aaaaaaall semester and the vindictive part of me was pretty satisfied that she finally got called out on it. He then later complimented me on my drawing (which came as a bit of a surprise since drawing is not my forte) but again, I shall take it!

I have also decided that I am going to marry someone who is from either the British Isles (Ireland, Scotland, Wales, maybe England) OR New Zealand / Australia. Why? Short version: Yanks apparently have other things to do and they don't have accents. Thanks to the newest slew of tv shows I've watched while doing my art homework, I decided that since there are no takers here, I will wait until I'm abroad. It worked for the big sis for a while, didn't it? So yes. Usually I'm not frustrated or lonely, but seriously, who HASN'T ever daydreamed about some exotic romance that ACTUALLY worked?? C'mon, we've all done it. In my case, it's just several hundred times per year. Problem solved!

Oh you, Colin O'Donoghue. Wait, what's that? Marry you? Maaayyyybbbbeee

*face slap* BACK! 

Maybe it's the ex-film major in me (or leaping back to my introvert post about how introverts tend to feel "things" more than others) but I keep finding that I get super into a show. Obsessed has negative connotations so I just say I get "involved" with a tv show. I like to know about the location, the actors, the costume design, behind the scenes, unknown plot points, yada yada. So whenever I find a show, I watch the crap out of it and sadly, my list is rather long. Luckily, my major lends itself for me to be a multitasker: I "watch" the show meaning I listen to it and glance up from time to time and do my art projects. I have no idea how many shows and movies I've consumed... And the best part is, I retain the information and I get A's on all of my assignments because I spend 2 hour blocks of time or more working on it! Anyhoo, I have been getting really into my shows, and that is where my ManLove2.0 rush is coming from. It's rather sad, but as long as I don't start a Tumblr dedicated to them, I think I'm ok. Music too, but I feel like everyone gets into that...

With Christmas break coming up, I have been so focused on getting done with class (and surviving with minimal casualties), I haven't really thought about the actual break and why I love Christmas so much. It hit me when I was writing out my gift list for friends and family: It's Christmas. Fall semester barely started and it's already Christmas. This must be the time warp I was warned about when I was 11 wishing I was older... What the hell happened to my fall? And all the really cool, hip, college things I was going to do? Oye, being older is definitely interesting (Dear 11 year old me, Time does indeed go by faster, but they lied, I wouldn't be you again for all the world, our fashion sense is much better in 2012...) 

Ok, I have other things to do now, like my giant list of homework.... Ok gross EmergenC, down the hatch you go! We must be the champ of homework once again! Tally-ho!

xoxo

Alaine

Oh yeah and with friends like you who needs friends?

Oooooh shooooot. It happened again: I have been re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-inspired to get in shape. What caused it this time? Oh, I can tell you exactly: Whilst I was watching some old episodes of a favorite show, "Nikita". This is a cliche but interesting spy/rogue assassin badass chick show, featuring two young women who are very pretty, very lethal, and very fit. They are also very fashionable, so I decided to take a page out of their play book for a day and try it out.

Ya, see? Super cliche but actually pretty action packed so it all evens out...

So I had everything I needed to duplicate a certain look and outfit, but the effect was not the same (considering she is about of one of me). I am aware I will never actually be nor look healthy at 115 pounds, but I sure know I can be at 125 - 130. I was that in high school, I can do it again. Then I realized also that now would be the BEST time to start working out because I am right on the tipping point of either being in the best shape of my life OR backsliding once again with the holiday season eating.

Obviously, since battling my weight has been a block in my road since middle school, I must have a pretty sh**ty system going on. So I researched some fitness blogs to get some unusual tips, beyond the usual "eat less sugar" and "exercise daily"... You think?? I need some pretty specific exercise and stat or else the food will wreck me. It was actually really helpful. I definitely found more than a few things that I can do to make this time stick.

The biggest problem I have is: don't have a workout routine because I don't have a routine period. I don't eat at the same time every day, classes make it super crazy to have a dedicated work out time, and demands from friends? Forget about it. So what I need to do is to sit down and literally write it in my weekly schedule to make it a priority. I haven't made it work because I haven't even deemed it time worthy. So instead of wimping out and wasting my precious free time, I'm going to consolidate it a little bit more and get the body I have wished for since 8th grade. Even if it's just doing some wall sits and push ups in my down time, I can take a couple minutes for a homework break to do some light work and then get the heavy cardio done at the gym.

I'm so tired of seeing the reflection and not being disgusted, but being underwhelmed. THAT is one of the biggest annoyances of my day to day life. I like my appearance well enough, but the total lack of pizzazz I find in myself is very frustrating. I know I could be really happy with myself, but I'm just not there yet.

So there is the focal point of my thoughts today, just a lot of plotting and getting excited to get back to the gym. And this time, I will make it a massive priority.

xoxo
Alaine

Ps... Again.

I am going to increase my blogging amount (is that the term for blogging quantity?) because it feels like I should have more posts for the amount of time I put into this. But, the key is: I need to vary the length a bit more instead of just writing lists and novels.  So, I will henceforth be adding short posts with (drumroll) pictures!

Some will be cliche and angsty, many will be funny and random, and some may verge on slightly inappropriate but it's mah blog and I like weird things. So, without further ado, here is the first of many pictures I will be adding because I feel like it. I think it'll spruce up the page a bit. Enjoy!

Screaming at/with/by "The Scream" ... I would react the same way if I saw it in person.

He's obviously in rough shape. He's taken off his shoes and one of his socks and... actually, I think he's crying.

Thanksgiving was yesterday and I have to say, I have quite a few things to be thankful for. I have also been thinking over the past few years of my life with many a smile, a few grimaces, a handful of regret, and a pinch of excitement. Life is a funny funny thing. I can never really appreciate the passing of time, because I am either running away from something or sprinting toward something, and I never fully realize that now is the only thing I will ever experience. The past has already happened and the future is blank so why do I never focus on the present? That was a grimace worthy observation for me. So buckle down, it's gonna be a big one, I have quite a bit to say today...

But before I do, I want to thank the powers that be for my family. Words are useless for the love and adoration I have for this wonderful group. I am truly blessed to have this name to call my own, to have this loving place I belong to. My parents are beyond inspirational, the depths of my love for them are fathomless. I also have the two greatest sisters in the history of siblings and I cannot imagine who I would be without their love and guidance. I love you Field/Williams family members, near and far!

Ok. So. Down to blogging business. I realized that I am not happy with myself because I know that I have only been operating at about 65% of my full potential. I don't half ass things, but it's not much more than that. I have been using the "I'm in college and the time for mistakes is NOW" but really, when it comes down to brass tacks, I enjoy being a hard worker, reaching my goals, having a plan, and being successful. And I haven't been giving my teachers the work they deserve, my body the attention it needs, and my friends the time they want. I need to work on a few things before I am fully satisfied.

• Having said that I like to be a stand up lady, this time of year is also the time that I like to be more reckless and more of a bad ass than my usual self. Freshman year, I dyed my hair dark brown with streaks of purple, blue, and green. Last year, I pierced my earS in multiple crazy places. This year: ___?___ . Ooooh boy, I will not get a tattoo, but short of that, anything is game. I am thinking about hair again, since I quickly ran out of places that I actually want to get pierced in real life. Ombre is what I'm looking at right now (where it is dark at the roots and lighter at the tips) because it isn't a huge money slash maintenance commitment, the parents wont freak, and it's "in" right now. Damn you "Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" and "Nikita" for making me want to break out my leather jacket, aviators, and general badassery clothing...

Oddly enough, I have been a little regretful about more than a few things this weekend. Not in a depressingly bad "I'll never recover from this" way, but in a "Well, I wish I knew then what I knew now" way. One situation in particular. This time of year always reminds me of a time in my life where I had something reaaaalllllyyy spectacular, but timing worked against me and I almost lost a great person because of it. Luckily, we're both mature and duct taped our friendship, but man oh man, do I think about it a lot.

• My music has taken a turn for the awesome, I must say. I found it all on my own and can't stop listening to this rotation because it has everything: Epic day dream songs, lonely songs, happy hopeful light indie songs, generic mainstream pump up songs, and good covers. I can feel badass, lonely, AND happy in a matter of minutes of each other and it is a pretty good ride. And the play count is now in the upper 80's from me being obsessed with it right now.

1. Lonely Boy - Black Keys
2. Oh Death - Jen Titus
3. Brutal Hearts - Bedouin Soundclash
4. Sleepwalking - A Fine Frenzy
5. Ungirthed - Purity Ring
6. Some Nights - Fun.
7. Love Love Love - Avalanche City
8. Thieves & Kings - The Peach Kings
9. Radioactive - Imagine Dragons
10. Never Let Me Go - Florence + The Machine
11. Go Your Own Way - Lissie
12. You and I - Avalanche City
13. Lofticries - Purity Ring
14. Home - Phillip Phillips


Being single around the holidays is never super fun for anyone because even if you are totally ok with your single status, there are always moments that make you wish you had someone's hand touching yours. So I can comfortably say that this year will be ok but slightly weird. I have had a someone for the past... wow, more than a few years. But the thing is, they haven't been happy holidays since early high school, and even the majority of those are filled with breakup heartbreak. Really, ever since I discovered boyfriends, the holidays have been a preeeettty big bust. I had a good xmas with "B1" senior year (after the atrocious one with "A" that ended up with me being dumped via text after my xmas eve surgery) but since then, the holidays have been a tad rocky. I hated college freshman xmas because of the whole situation I mentioned a few paragraphs earlier, last year"E" had just told me he was moving away and then immediately distanced himself (and we can't forget the car crash I had when coming back from visiting him. I just realized we technically never broke up since he hasn't talked to me since the very beginning of January... Ha.)

• Soooooo yes, this season kinda really puts me very much on edge. Which is funny to me, since this is the season for love and thankfulness. Now, I am not ungrateful for what I have, quite the opposite. My family makes sure I have a GREAT Christmas and I always laugh and love and smile, but there is that place in your heart that is reserved for someone special. Family fills you up everywhere but that one spot. I love Christmas and what it means. I love buying and making my loved ones presents. I love thinking about God and Jesus and lighing the candles at church. I love the smells and the food and the sweaters. But it is not an exaggeration that I am very very VERY wary of this season. And so every time I wish I had someone's hand to hold, I get terrified because that means that I am willing  to put myself through hell again, but I don't know if I'm strong  enough to. But there is that one guy that makes me feel a lot of feels... And he has absolutely no idea. So that is just awesome. Putting that one on the back burner for now, I don't think that thinking about it now would get me anywhere. 

Ok, I have mentally rapped my knuckles for going down that slightly pessamistic "woe is me" thought path, back to Thanksgiving and being a cheerful person... I have great friends who all contacted me to say something along the lines of "hey, I hope you have a great break." So thank you dear loved ones for reminding me why I am so truly lucky.

• Val O: You are my best friend and I will support you for eternity. Many a girl has said this and failed, but you got me through the worst 7 years of my life and I love you like a sister.

Katie R: Whodda thunk that those two cooky orientation roommates would become the fiercely loyal friends we are? I don't know what I would do without your warmth in my life.

• Lindsey B: Though our friendship is short (ish), it is stronger than Mithril (#boom #LOTR #nerdlove) ermagerd, I can't wait to see what new adventures the metaphorical tomorrow brings!

Jenna E: High school would have been brutal without your laughter and I am so glad that we are still in each other's lives, though a few states are between us!

• Broderyk M: You have been building me up since the day we met, and I can never truly thank you for telling me that I could actually become the person I wanted to be, and you taught me I'm never alone.

Brian H: Thank you for all of your hugs. You really don't know how many times you have saved me from tears at night because you offer, without fail, the best hugs a friend can give every single time I see you.

• Jordan S: Ever since Kindergarten, you have been a pillar in my life. I am so glad that though we drifted apart, life has brought me back my oldest friend. I love you like I would a brother Jo-Jo.

Sophie H: I miss you like crazy lady! But you are right where you need to be (and you still have your Bobcat pride!) I can't wait to see you again! I hope you know I will never stop caring about you, no matter what.

• Brock F: What a talented guy you are, I am so lucky to call you my friend. You are such a kind person and I am so happy to be able to work with you and watch you create such beautiful things.

Sammy "Mama Cakes" K: Dear MRS. Sam, you are such a fiercely loving friend, I am honored to be your "Baby Cakes" and I cannot wait to be reunited again.

• Allana N: Adventure mixed with thoughtfulness, I cherish your friendship more and more each time we are around each other. This next semester (and beyond!) will be preeetttyyyy awesome! 

I have so many more people to thank, but alas, I have already spent too much time on this post as is, so I apologize for forgetting you, but know that you are very much included in this blanket thank you and you are all in my heart (though you may be absent in my absent minded head space right now). Muah!

(... Man, I'm getting pretty bold with this whole blogging thing... See Dr. Wolff?? My hypothesis is (mostly) correct! Social Media Experiment surprise/success number 1! Cheers! )

• One observation is more strange than the rest for obvious reasons: My (Our) dog of 15 years died about a month ago and I miss him very much, but I am glad he is free of suffering. The weird thing is, I keep "seeing him" at night when I walk to my bathroom via the dark living room to get ready for bed. I have done this several nights in a row. He had a very special spot by the couch and in front of our big bay windows, and I think I see him curled up and even lift his head when I walk in. I don't know if my mind is playing tricks on me or if I've seen too many Supernatural episodes. But whatever it is, it's actually quite comforting to think that though he's physically gone, Gus-Gus will never be too far away from his special spot and will always make sure that I get to bed safely. 

__________________________

Ok I feel like I got everything that I needed to out of my system... It's strange how quickly I've come to depend on this to vent/pass on/remember things. I am starting to "note to self for later" throughout my day. I think this is a good thing, I'm forcing myself to remember things about my days that went unnoticed before and I think more critically about what I actually believe. So good night blogging world, and thank you for listening. Until I post again.

xoxo

Alaine

You know I'm not good at apologizing, so I'll just skip it if it's all the same to you.

Here is the magazine ad that I designed in Graphic Design 223 

Vouloir : French for "To Want" ... To want and to be wanted.

I am pretty durn proud of myself right now.
xoxo
Alaine

There's a lot of attitudes going on around here.

My thoughts on me working my rear end off and still getting sad results at the end of my disappointingly frustrating day: 

I feel like I'll be pulling this one up a lot later on down the road. It sums me up quite perfectly, Plus, I don't know why people bash on Dane Cook. I laughed when I saw him freshman year. Is he the funniest guy ever? No. But he is funny. Like Daniel Tosh "let's bash on everybody and their mom" funny. Which is secretly my type of funny... But yes, this was pretty much my reaction at the end of the day.

You should probably put your bandit hat on now. Personally, I don't have one, but I modified this tube sock.

BOBCATS BEAT THE GRIZZLIES!! (That deserves type screaming in all caps, right??) BOOM! We did it!! I am so proud to be a second generation Bobcat, with a Bobcat big sister (and possibly a little one in a few years). Go go Blue and Gold!! Couldn't be prouder. Man oh man!

Ahh life is funny sometimes... One day it seems like it's so hard and all work with no reward, and another day it is so magical and fulfilling and awesome. Things are kinda falling into place recently, and I like it. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm getting closer and closer to a break, but hey, I wont complain!

xoxo
Alaine

"Does it concern you that your daughter's just run away from home?" "That's a loaded question."

I have made one of the best discoveries of my life.

For our final graphic design project, we have to pick a book from the New York Time's best seller list, read it, and re-design a book cover for it using only typography. I choose the book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain.

Best. Book. Ever!

Hideous cover, but excellent book.

I have been a self diagnosed introvert since middle school and I have been ok with this fact for a long time. I am not a shy introvert, I merely enjoy my solitude over large gatherings, I don't feel the need to be in the spotlight during class, and I certainly don't go out of my way to make sure I'm the most important person in the room. This book really opened my eyes to how ours is the Culture of Personality over the Culture of Character. We need to sell ourselves to get up the social ladder, to remain silent shows insecurity or ignorance. I love how she broke down myth and fact, explained how introverts and extroverts operate, and how it's ok to be an introvert.

In a culture where being an extrovert is the ideal person, being an introvert is challenging. You must converse, excel in conversation, and be social. Shy or distant children are seen as problem children, not in a disciplinary sense, but in that teachers and parents have to shove the children into social situations. Loud and boisterous is seen as confident and outgoing. I have the capacity to be funny and loud, but I usually enjoy quiet zingers and the sidelines to observe. Introverts are also known as "thinkers" and "feelers" which I loved hearing, because I always think and feel more than do and then reflect. I definitely get more into music and film than my extrovert friend, who are constantly seeking the next phase of entertainment. I'm also exhausted after big outings, even if I have a great time. I prefer solace and quiet reflection to constant companionship. I also have a smaller, tighter friend base as to a large sociable group with less connection.

This book explained SO much about myself that I was thrilled and shocked at the accuracy. I used to feel bad about being reserved in certain situations but introverts have many many things to offer and possess many traits that extroverts must work at. See, it's a two way street, both sides must work at being the other in the appropriate situations. It's not just introverts being louder or braver, extroverts need to calm down and think in the right places. I observe and retain a lot of information because I listen to others rather than talk, which builds trust or furthers me along in my studies. I feel deeply so I can empathize.

I don't know why the book made me feel SO good (maybe it's another introvert thing) but I feel better about myself and just better about life in general. Here is to good books and being quiet...

xoxo
Alaine

Ps...

Also, I saw "Sleepwalk with Me" this weekend and it was one of the best movies I've seen this year. I love love love this movie, I saw it in the Emerson Theatre and I had a great time. Mike Bribiglia is a great comedian. I highly suggest this movie to anyone.

Did you send my mother your clippings?

I am already coming up with a list of New Year's Resolutions that I really want to follow through on. I realize that I am a full two months early, but it's one of those things similar to when people ask you "Where do you want to eat?". You know that there is an unlimited amount of answers but for the life of you, you cannot think of a blooming ONE. So, I decided that I was going to start keeping a tally of possible resolutions now to save from stressing later. I also want them to not be any mainstream resolution like "smile more" or "lose ten pounds"... Really? You should want to do that anyway, these things are going to be unsual but fun resolutions. So here are TEN things that I want to have happen in 2013:

1. Keep a "Memory Jar".

To keep from forgetting everything that happens during the year, I am going to write down happy little things on a slip of paper (Jenna, you can add that to our "slip" tally!) and put it in a jar. After a year of filling this jar with happy occasions, next New Year's Eve, I will open up the jar and read them. This will show me how lucky I am to have a year full of love and fun. 

2. Make an UNBREAKABLE change jar.

I have a change jar. I use my change jar. I ALWAYS STEAL FROM MY CHANGE JAR! I am going to create a one way change jar that is for actually saving money. I will not be allowed to take from my change jar once money is put into it. I am thinking of buying something tall and skinny or something with a narrow lip so that I literally cannot reach in and take any money from it. I know, I know, the easy cheat would be to turn it on it's side but I will police myself and I am never ever ever going to make any exceptions. Ever. AND the glorious part is that in my few times of (kind of) wealth, I am going to put high bills in there for "safe keeping". It's my own personal savings bank right where I can see it grow. Then, at the end of the year, I will get to crack it open and see how much I saved. I hope to treat myself with something that is bigger than just a pop or shirt, like a visit to my sister in Seattle or a really nice present for my family that we can all enjoy together.

3. I can't buy anything or else I will buy everything.

I don't spend money on much because I am a poor rancher's daughter. Jobless. In college. So that makes accruing money particularly difficult. Though I will have a job in the spring, I am a huge fan of it NOT burning a hole in my pocket so my goal is to form a battle plan now so that I can make peace with it by the time January comes around. So far, this is what I have:

-I can go to the bar however many times I want, but can spend no more than $30 a month. (I was going to say lower but drinks are expensive.... Ugh) 
-I can only go out to eat THREE times a month (if I am paying, and I can't go over $30 approx)
-I can buy ONE article of clothing a month (that wont be that bad, I haven't shopped for clothing once this semester... because I am horrible poor)
-I must withdraw a $10 bill and put it in my jar right after getting paid. No if's, and's, or but's. 
-ART SUPPLIES only if neccessary. I like nice things but I don't need 10 fountain pens.

So along those lines. I don't ask good ol' mummy and daddy for a lot but I want to ask even less from them and start offering more.

4. PAINT PAINT PAINT

I have so many canvasses that "I'll get to later".... Umm, when? I could sell them, give them away, do SOMETHING with them but I just never get around to it! I am going to make time to just do something creative for me for once. No grades, to deadline, just me getting my hands dirty in smelly acrylic paint because I'm an artist, dammit!

5. Write letters on a strict rotation.

Yup. G-ma's, sisters, parents, friends. I love writing letters so I'm going to set aside time at the beginning or end of the month and pop of letters to all the people in my life that live out of town. Is this going to be a struggle? Oh yes it is. Life happens and it sucks but that's what calendars and pens are for, to remind me of how sucky I am at communication. Boom.

6. Cook more... and more and more.

Campus living is great.... for the first year. Year three? Less than awesome when you realize you pay for a meal plan you hate. So, instead of buying Taco Bell three times a week, I am going to have one night a month where I spend money and time on a "dorm cooked meal". I will get experience and a happy stomach out of the deal, while cutting back on crap that I don't actually like. So voila! So many good things in one.

7. Stereotypical resolution: Watch less tv, go to the gym more... Or just go period. Ok let's amend this to "Be healthier in any way I can... C'mon just try!".

Ya ya, I realize that I contradict my opening paragraph, but it needs to be said... er, written. I have lost 10 pounds since school started just by eating healthy and power walking to class. Imagine what could happen if I actually tried? Ya, I like the idea of me looking like I actually having abs too. And since I watch waaaaay too much tv anyway, this will help... I hope. It always sounds easier than done but I actually want this to happen this year. I just need to drink more water, work out more, eat healthier, work on being more positive and all that jazz. 

8. Fail more.... Right?

I am not planning on trying cocaine or getting arrested for streaking but I need to take more risks that don't always pan out. I am so scared of not being good enough in so many areas that I am very tentative and timid. I need to get out of my comfort zone more and try things that will help me expand as a designer, person, daughter, friend, etc. So ya, I'm going to fail harder. In the words of my favorite art teacher "You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in". 

9. Cut out the white lies. And the gray ones too. 

I think I'm a very honest person. As silly as it is, I still hear my mom saying "God know's when you're lying" every time I fib. But even I have a problem with those little white lies. I am a pro at the little things like "oh sorry I took so long, parking was terrible" when in fact I just left a little bit late. It really got on my nerves this year. I noticed that my stories were funnier because, oh, look at that, I said something super witty in the moment. Oh wait, now I remember, nope, no I did not actually say that. Whoops. So here is to being boring and even more honest, I hope I stick to this one because white lies aren't actually worth it. 

10. Be open to meeting more people. I mean it, play nice Alaine.

Oh Liz. Yes I love you but I need to not be you... I am a busy person. And I'm not always super open to meeting people. I'm friendly but always in a faux-I'm-busy-so-I'll-be-off-now way. I always think "I have plenty of friends" and "I only have so much time" but how did I meet those people? Through happy happenstance, that's how. Without those, I would be utterly alone. I could miss someone special with my blinders on so tight, so I need to keep my eyes open for any and all opportunities. It will be great! Bring on the wonderful people! 

So yes. Those are my resolutions thus far. And there will be a part two, and maybe even a part three. I can't wait to make them happen! Here's to me being a somewhat better person... Eh. 

xoxo

Alaine